I’ve spent a considerable amount of time seeking to do what is right. Of late, my intentions and efforts have been to do what is Joyful. I fail at it daily. At least, I fail in comparison to my kids. It’s comes natural to them. So it seems natural, then, that if I am to connect with the abundant Kingdom Joy that is available to adults, then I must discover when Joy became unnatural to me.

I cannot quite say when that was; that is, when I traded in my child like nature for expectations and fears and controle and poverty. I do know this, though, that what is more natural to me is not Joy, but projections of my lacking.

Righteousness is equal to Joy as a pillar of the Kingdom, so to embody Kingdom Joy I need not cast away the responsibility or resourcefulness or wisdom needed for the moment in which I find myself. No, Kingdom Joy is something deeper. Something that is lived out while living righteously and righteously stewarding what is mine to steward.

But then why did I feel the need to trade my childlike Joy for the pursuit of what I thought would improve my lackings, for the purpose that I might measure up to an anonymous exception of an unbiblical definition of righteousness?

I cannot quite identify who or why or when I lost my childlike Joy, but I am aware of that for which it was traded. Simply put, I recognize that I traded in Kingdom Joy because I thought I couldn’t cultivate nor carry such Joy while meeting the expectations around me. The truth is, I was right.

Each person’s story differs, but I gave away my Joy because it is impossible to steward Kingdom Joy as it is intended while also pursuing the expectations of the world. Be it family or friends or school or job or just the cosmic pressures around me, at a young age, I recognized that I could not be Joyfully, Righteously, and Peacefully me while valuing expectations over the Kingdom.

And the result… Well, I will say that I’ve missed out. Like many, I’ve spent a lot of time pursing and trying to “righteously steward” things that are not mine to “righteously steward”. It seldom felt right. I often felt like I was grasping for the wind. I listened to my heart enough to know I couldn’t fully pursue some things that I had thought I should. While at the same time I lived out of not enough freedom to pursing that for which I was created.

We never arrive, but we have opportunity to ever discover. Yet I recognize now that I was too busy doing what I thought was Righteous to pursue was was Joyful. I’m not just talking about career or wild pursuits, I’m talking about daily choosing to make small decisions to do what is Joyful, what is Righteous and what is Peaceful; not just on the outside, but also on the inside. Out of a spirit of poverty I thought if I where to ever do what is expected of me then I can only do what expectations defined Righteousness to be, not being able to do what is all three Joyful, Righteous and Peaceful. Out of a partnering with expectation, I valued what I “should” do over being in rhythm with Joyful, Righteous and Peaceful.

With out valuing expectations, living Joyfully, Righteously and Peacefully becomes much easier. But it is still a choice. A choice to believe that there is always enough… Always enough resource to live life with Joy, Righteousness and Peace. Always enough opportunity to live out the Kingdom of God while relevantly impacting the world around us. To actually recognize that we where created to live Joyfully, Righteously and Peacefully… That they are not in conflict. To recognize that we where created to live out the Kingdom of God (with Joy, Righteousness and Peace) in a way that does not mimic the idol or the stagnant, but that is fierce and that is courageous.

And, for some reason, my heart resonates with the concept that embodying Joy does not mean I have to be a child again, but that I can still steward the big things placed in my heart by God. For some reasons, it becomes easier to live out Joy in the daily when I know that a whole Kingdom is established on Joy as an equal part to Righteousness and Peace; that to live out the Kingdom I get to let my actions reflect my heart. That as I act in Joy, Righteousness and Peace, I get to choose to live in Joy, Righteousness and Peace.

Thus, I may not know when I traded my child like Joy, but to restore myself to Kingdom Joy, I need not become once again a child, but to release the expectations I have held so dear, and live in pace with the Joy, Righteousness and Peace that the Lord has places within me.