In an attempt to break soul ties with shame, guilt and fear, we have thrown out moral standards. I get it. It was out of a noble endeavor that we ended up throwing out the baby with the bath water. And the reality of the sincerity of the journey assures me that our culture doesn’t have to just go to hell in a hand basket. Shame, guilt and fear are evil. Yes, evil attempts to destroy who we were made to be. Courageous. Beautiful. Strong. Perfect in God’s image. We were created in the Creators image. We were made perfect in Him. Yet we live in a fallen world, where we fall short of living out perfect choices.

We are hurt and in tern we hurt people. So we screw up and we fall short of expectations and standards. We feel bad for a variety of reasons. Insecure people around us judge us for screwing up. We are shamed and we feel guilt and we fear letting our hearts be put on the line any more. So we choose two options, controle or passivity. We choose to defend ourselves and say “who cares what you think.” Sometimes this looks like controlling the situation to make people think we are perfect, or, on the other extreme, we choose to controle by inflicting our pain on others so that we don’t feel so violated and out of controle. Truth is: what we do to others doesn’t change what has been done to us.

Or we choose passivity, and tell ourselves that we are not going to put ourselves on the line. That if we don’t try then we can’t disappoint. So we sit back. We punk out. We give up and we reason ourselves out of caring. In fact, we punk out when we controle and when we sit passive.

Sometimes we don’t admit the struggles that we are going through. And we can’t over come them alone, so they end up controlling us. Other times we isolate ourselves or publicize our struggles like they are not big deal. We sit passive as our struggles controle us. And that’s what we’ve done, isn’t it? As a society we have chosen to protect ourselves from shame and guilt out of fear. In tern we often also protect ourselves by shaming and guilting others. We’ve put our culture into the crazy cycle. And the way we have chosen out is by saying that there is no true level of expectation. “‘F’ you, people who judge me, I do what I want and you’re the one who should feel shame and guilt for judging me.” We’ve diluted our moral standards out of self protection. If morals aren’t a big deal then it’s not a big deal that I haven’t been able to live up to moral expectations.

Maybe moral expectations are just historical, barbarian practices likened to slavery. But, the truth is that morals do exist. They are what have gotten us this far in the world. It’s the fight to show up and not controle and not give up that has built the men and women that have lead us to today. Morals are not relative. They are real.

So, from one who has shamed and has been shamed, I apologizes. I apologizes for saying that you don’t measure up because you look at porn. I apologies for saying that you don’t measure up because you moved in with your boyfriend. I apologies for saying that you are going to Hell because you have homosexual desires. I apologies for all of the nasty, shame and guilt based projections I and other humans have projected. Projected largely out of our own insecurities. For if we only knew that we were ok and that it’s ok to not be perfect, then we would stop projecting expectations on others to be perfect.

I can only love you as much as I love myself. If we really understood what it meant to love our neighbors as ourselves, I think we would spend more time learning to love ourselves, that out of that overflow we would know how to love others. Moral’s aren’t relative. I know that as a fact because saying that life and morals and such things are relative is like saying that there is no black and white, only grey. In truth, there is grey, black and white and even colors. Lots more colors than I will every be able to experience. They exist whether I choose to acknowledge them or not. But the fact that colors exist beyond the human eye’s capacity doesn’t negate that there is still black and white. One could never truthfully claim to know the ‘perfect’ moral practice. That’s part of the beauty… it’s in the imperfection. We may not be able to agree on where the lines are drawn, but it is just silly to say that because we can’t decide then there are no lines. Who are we as humans in the 20th century to define such ageless and boardersles concepts.

We can never fully understand perfect morality, but that’s not going to stop me from choosing to fight for what is morally good. I won’t choose to punk out by controlling or by acting passive. I refuse. There’s too much at stake. Just as there is value in leaving a legacy of nature and resources, there is a value in leaving a heritage of less measurable moral standards and the decisions that come from them.

I may never understand the best way to address the grey areas that surround the moral issue of abortion, but I do know that life is precious. More precious than I will ever understand. So I will fight to guard it to the best of my ability. And I will trust that I will do the best that I can in the situations in which I find myself, with the resources that I have been given. And I think the same can be said for most people… pro-life or pro-choice. I know where I stand on this line and I do believe that there is a line, but there is no way I could claim to grasp the depth and width of this line. So I will walk with grace, and not project shame or guilt on others. The best I can ask is that other humans show up to the battle and choose to fight a good fight. That they acknowledge the elements of controle and passivity and are courageous enough to stand up to them.

I may never understand the brokenness from which sexual perversion has culminated in current cultural norms, but I do know that we are all seeking connection and vulnerability, and that sexuality often only multiplies the offense that we carry of the wrongs that have been done us. So I step out with compassion. I fight to maintain the lines that our culture still hold in this area, and I battle to rebuild some lines that we have lost. I know for a fact that this is good, because vulnerability is beautiful, though it is hard. Life is valuable.

We are more powerful than our impulses and our wounds. I believe in a world that is not perfect but that is not willing to give up. I believe in a world that walks the balance between controle and passivity. So I will fight for it. No matter what others say. And, no matter what others say, you are not defined by the shame and guilt that you have been privy to. You are more courageous and more full of life and you don’t have to choose controle or passivity either. What does the third option look like for you today?